Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Essential for healthy relationships
It is safe to say forgiveness and reconciliation are always extremely hard and sensitive topics but are essential for healthy relationships with family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. How do you forgive and reconcile with someone who has wronged you and with unrepentant and unapologetic heart?
Forgiveness is a very personal decision to release someone from hurtful actions, often for one’s own well-being and freedom from bitterness. It is an internal act focusing on the person who is hurt and it does not require the offender to apologize or change their behavior. Forgiving someone regardless of the offenders’ lack of repentance can be a gift to oneself, to overcome bitterness and achieve emotional well-being. It is a way of taking the burden of resentment off yourself. What do you do after forgiving someone who has offended you? The simple answer is reconciliation. This may be harder to achieve and navigate but it is essential to one’s relationship with others.
It starts with humility and grace. Reconciliation is a mutual, active process of rebuilding damaged relationships requiring the offenders’ apology and sincere repentance, as well as your willingness to restore trust and connection with both parties to work through the issues, though it is not always possible but it is worth a try.
Bishop Desmond Tutu eloquently and profoundly said, “Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong.
True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing.” Before Nelson Mandela of South Africa was arrested in 1962, he was an angry, relatively young man. He founded the ANC’s military wing. When he was released from prison and became the president of his nation, he surprised everyone because he was talking about reconciliation and forgiveness and not about revenge. We can all learn from these two iconic leaders, how to bring true peace, unity and joy when we subscribe to and extend grace to all people.
We must not only speak about forgiveness and reconciliation but we must also act on these principles.
Why are forgiveness and reconciliation so important? That is because it is God’s commands. In Biblical context, the Holy Bible emphasizes God’s foundational act of reconciling the world to Himself through Christ which serves as the model for human reconciliation and the command to forgive others as God has forgiven us. This is a key principle explicitly mentioned in the Bible at Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.” This biblical instruction calls us to be kind, compassionate and forgiving towards others, mirroring God’s own forgiveness. The world will be a better place for us and the generations to follow when we subscribe to these key principles of forgiveness, reconciliation and peace. Lord, let peace begin with me!
